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Monday, October 25, 2004

The Man of Quiet Power

A few years ago a friend showed me an add from the 1996 Old Farmer's Almanac which I believe to be one of the most beautiful things ever put on earth.  The ad was purchased by Dr. Frank Wallace and it offers to anyone a free copy of "the valuable, 8000-word" information package on "an entire new field of knowledge" which just happens to be "the most important money / power / romantic-love discovery since the Industrial Revolution."  That means it must be pretty good, since the Industrial Revolution was certainly known for its money / power / romantic-love discoveries.
New-Tech is a new, scientific method for capturing major financial and personal advantages everywhere.  Neo-Tech is a new knowledge that has nothing to do with positive thinking, religion, or anything mystical.  Once a person is exposed to Neo-Tech, he can quietly profit from anyone -- anywhere, anytime.  He can prosper almost anywhere on earth and succeed under almost any economic or political condition.  Combined with Psychuous Sex, Neo-Tech applies to all money and power gathering techniques -- to all situations involving the transfer of money, power, or love.  No one can spot the Neo-Tech man.  The constant invisible advantages obtained by Neo-Tech appear completely natural yet are unbeatable.  Neo-Tech puts one in the ultimate catbird seat.
Okay, so let me get this straight:  Wallace has discovered a method whereby he can control other people and get all the sex and money he wants -- and then the very next thing he does is take out an ad in the Old Farmer's Almanac so he can tell everyone else about it.  This brings to mind Chesterton's formulation:  "To preach egoism is to practice altruism."
<>Who is the Neo-Tech Man? He is a man of quiet power -- a man who cannot lose.  He can extract money at will.  He can control anyone unknowledgeable about Neo-Tech -- man or woman.... The Neo-Tech man has the power to render others helpless, even wipe them out, but he wisely chooses to use just enough of his power to give himself unbeatable casino-like advantages in all endeavors for maximum long-range profits.  His Neo-Tech maneuvers are so subtle that they can be executed with casual confidence.  His hidden techniques let him win consistently and comfortably -- year after year, decade after decade.  Eventually, Neo-Tech men and women will quietly rule everywhere.
<>
What if I don't want quiet power?  What if I want loud power?  Personally, I'm not into this subtle advantage stuff.  I want my enemies stripped and beaten and paraded in front of me while I sit on a big gold throne with a crown encrusted with big fat Liz Taylor-grade diamonds.  I want people kissing my big toe.  And if you read carefully, you will see this vision is in no way inconsistent with Neo-Tech.  Once you've got the power, you can use it any way you want.  This hectoring about doing things quietly and subtly is weird and annoying and, frankly, it does not follow logically.
The Neo-Tech man can easily and safely beat any opponent.  He can quickly impoverish anyone he chooses.  He can immediately and consistently acquire large chunks of money, $2,000, $10,000, or more in a single day, repeatedly.  He has the power to make more money in a week than most people make in a full year without knowing about Neo-Tech.  He commands profits and respect.  He controls business deals and emotional situations to acquire money and power ... and to command love.  He can regain lost love.  He can subjugate a business or personal adversary.  He wins any lover at will.  He can predict stock prices -- even gold and silver prices ... He quietly rules all.
In the ad, Wallace has chosen to place a photo of himself in all his nerdy, horn-rimmed glory.  So now he intends to empower his fellow nerds such that they will finally score with all the babes.  I tremble for the future of our race.  The next generation is going to be pure-bred dorks.
Indeed, with Neo-Tech, a person not only captures unbeatable advantages over others, but commands shortcuts to profits, power, and romance.  The ordinary person can quickly become a Clark Kent -- a quiet superman -- taking command of all.  He can financially and emotionally control whomever he deals with.  He becomes the man-on-the-hill, now. He is armed with an unbeatable weapon. All will yield to the new-breed Neo-Tech man, the no-limit man ... All except the Neo-Tech man will die unfulfilled.
Bummer!

Folks, there is so much more to this story, but I have to stop for now.  Keep watching this space for more fascinating Neo-Tech news.  A smashed plaster bust of Jesus Christ and the IRS will figure prominently.  Stay tuned.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I remember that guy. He also took out full-page ads in smaller newspapers and sent mass mailings. With Neo-Tech, you would be able to become Emperor of the Universe.

Apparently no-one took him up on it, because there's still no Emperor of the Universe, and the current slate of world leaders is no more exciting than those of the last decade (or century).

From the line "He is a man of quiet power -- a man who cannot lose. He can extract money at will. He can control anyone unknowledgeable about Neo-Tech -- man or woman.... ", I can only conclude that he is none other than Darth Vader. But L. Skywalker eventually got the better of him.

I'm amazed he's still around hawking his magic elixir.

If it's such a big deal, why doesn't he just command a few shortcuts to power and profit and make people buy his stuff? Gotta wonder.

Mike, www.rigoletto.com/blogger.html

9:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Older and Wiser says,

What a bunch of hooey...

3:09 AM  

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